With my kids (thirteen and ten when the adventure began), it has been non stop hysteria. To be clear, it is the laughing type hysteria they create. I supply, at other times, the more loathsome variety, which I am very sorry to have to tell you. But, with my babies (and despite me), between tanning their hides and pummeling good manners into them, it has been more rewarding and enjoyable than I ever thought possible. i.e. like for the first thirty three years of my life…

I’d never even entertained the possibility I’d ever even want kids. Kids? You’ve got to be kidding. I mean, think about it: I could wind up with a kid like me!!

God forbid.

            And, God, God love Him, gave me two … exactly like me! He may have thought He was punishing me, or so I thought originally. But, I subsequently discovered that He had given me a gift of considerable proportions. He is much smarter than I. This is why He is God, and by trying to out think him, I am, well, idiotic springs to mind. What was I thinking?

Lesson #1 in Life

          “Never try to outthink God or His intentions”

or:

… you’ll end up naked under fluorescent lights,

… with mirrors everywhere,

… while images of your lumpy nakedness are being beamed to an unsuspecting public,

… and, as a final insult, your cellulite magnified in a pop up box. Lucky you.

Lesson # 2 in Life? (and this is important)

“Never forget Lesson # 1”.

So, here is a look at things from the perspective of a forty nine year old, middle aged white boy, at the time of this experience:

            One day I was minding my own business when God, in His infinite wisdom, gave me a chance to take an unplanned “vacation”, the length of which was up to me. However, “they” clearly expressed “they” didn’t want me around for at least six weeks. They didn’t use those exact words, but the subtext was pretty darn clear even to a dimwit like I am.

            How many middle aged executives, of fairly prosperous means, get a chance to take time off and be truly away from the office? I mean:

… no phones,

… no calls,

… no email,

… no faxes (remember those?),

… no meetings, and no planning for them,

… no conferences,

… no dispute resolutions,

… no interactions with corporate,

… no request forms for paper clips,

… no stupid questions, with obvious answers,

… no padding one’s expense account,

… no long walks from the garage to the office (the Bataan Death March was shorter),

No nothing.

Just off.
It was something to treasure. Surely, it would be for me. I could hardly wait.

And I hated every minute of it…

            Hard to believe when you wish for something like this periodically for most of your business career and suddenly it happens to you. I had frequently wished for time away where you know money is still coming in strong and you can relax. Who wouldn’t? Yes, I had wished for this many times during periods of particular stress (though perspective has showed me those periods were more blissful than stressful, comparatively speaking). I would guess most business people my age would like this to happen, under optimal conditions. OK, so there’s the rub. The conditions were not optimal; they weren’t even in the same hemisphere as optimal.

            When I was in college I majored in Literature, with a particular interest in Shakespeare. I was old enough then (a hundred years ago) to understand most of what the playwright was trying to express. (And who ever did it better, really?). Mostly, Shakespeare wrote in five acts, with the critical action, particularly in the Tragedies, happening in the third act, like scene two or three. It is not a mathematical formula exactly, but a pattern Shakespeare pretty much adhered to.

            If I were going to break my life into acts, like on a continuum, say a person lived to be one hundred, the crucial, life altering experience would happen around, say, age fifty…

Hardcover, $27.95
5.5x8.5
ISBN: 978-159858-517-9
144 pages

Available at fine bookstores everywhere